Welcome to the land of chaos and confusion

Things have been crazier than usual around here. I feel I'm to blame for a lot of it. I think Renata, Santiago and Felix are up to something that may be about to solve a lot of our problems, but as usual, I'm being left out. I suppose it makes sense considering my demoted status as of late. I just hope whatever it is, it happens soon. Until I know what it is, I'm blocking myself out of my own head. I can't think about the betrayal and hurt in her eyes, even though it haunts me wherever I go. I'm never falling in love again. Every time I do, I destroy everything around me.

Runaway

i don't want you to give it all up and leave your own life
collecting dust. and i don't want you to feel sorry for me. you never gave
us a chance to be. and i don't need you to be by my side to tell me that
everything's alright. i just wanted you to tell me the truth. you know i'd
do that for you.

why are you running away?

' cause i did enough to show you that i was willing to give and
sacrifice. and i was the one who was lifting you up when you thought your
life had had enough. and when i get close you turn away. there's nothing
that i can do or say. so now i need you to tell me the truth. you know i'd
do that for you.

is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do to make you change your
mind. is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do. is it a waste of time?

so why are you running away? what is it i have to say to make
you admit you're afraid? why are you running away?


So she's gone, and I've been left here to clean up the pieces. Some days I'm doing great, I feel whole and on top of the world. Other days, it feels like I just hung up from that last phone call, my heart ripped fresh from my chest. I'm still alive though, I guess that's what counts.

My family's been pretty awesome about all of this, too, even Felix. I think him hooking up with this Thanh chick has made him a bit more sympathetic towards me. I think he finally understands how I never chose to love Mary. You can't ever really choose who you fall in love with, only what you do after it's happened.

Jane's also been amazing while I've been trying to hold myself together. When I'm around her, I feel the close to normal. She's listened to me bitch and moan about all of this and even offered some really good advice. People don't take her as seriously as they should. True, she looks young, but if you just take the time to listen to her, you can hear the wisdom of her years. But she's been a great friend...and sometimes more. We've grown very close these past couple weeks. I don't know how I'd be surviving without her.

And to you, wherever you are, I'm working on forgiving you. I'm not there yet, but I know that with time I will be.

Over so soon?

Funny, I prayed for death to come to me every day in that horrible jail cell. I thought it was a miracle when the Volturi found me and made me one of their own. Now I know that it was no miracle. It was some ultimate form of punishment for something I had done as a mortal. I still don't know what I'm being punished for. Being an aristocrat? I didn't think God cared about those sort of things. But then again, maybe God just doesn't care about me, if He even exists. I guess I'm going to find out soon enough. I have on final mission on this earth to complete. When it is over, I will have already committed suicide. I will have already killed the most vital parts of myself. The only thing left will be the shell of my body. That, too, will be gone swiftly. I have a pack of enemies in Siberia just waiting for the chance to sink their teeth into me. I only have one request: that my family not avenge me. Do not search down Mary and make her pay for this. I will have already satisfied the requirements of the law.
Mom, Dad, if there's a heaven and if they'll let me in, I'll see you soon.

Just my luck

Once again this blog deal is coming in handy and saving me from having to tell the same story repeatedly. I wanted Ren to put it on her blog but she said it's my story since I was there. I just think she's being lazy like she was with the F1 guide. Whatev.
I guess how it all started was Thursday afternoon we got a call from Aro saying that he had heard rumors of a vamp in Siberia with some really bizarre powers. We weren't really sure what exactly his power was, but the reports we heard said something along the line of "he steals your force." We figured this could mean a few different things, but in any case it might be something we'd be interested to have on the guard. So Demetri and myself were sent out to check him out. It was initially to be a scouting mission to see if he was worth pursuing or not. We knew he was somewhere on the outskirts of Syktyvkar, but as I have never been anywhere near there, I was unable to teleport us. So we hopped a plane and while we were airborne (for a painfully long 10 hours, I might add) I sent Mary a message telling her what was up. That was apparently a mistake, but I figured she'd be angrier if by some chance she came home before me and found i had taken off without telling her.
Anyway, so our plane lands and Tri and I start to tracking. But for some weird reason Tri's having like a REALLY hard time getting a lock on this guy, I mean it was worse than that one time he tried to track Ren just to see if he could. It was almost like all his ability to track, not just the enhanced part, was completely zapped. Eventually between the two of us we found where we were headed. Bad news is, the vamp and his mate were waiting for us, and they were angry. We found out pretty quickly what the vamp's power was. He cancelled out any enhanced abilities we had, beyond those of normal vampires. It did level the playing field, but that meant that we couldn't rely on me to get us out of their in a pinch. We did eventually manage to defeat and destroy them, but not until after his power and their fighting had taken a pretty big toll on both of us. I mean, even after the vamp was long gone, our powers were still on the fritz. Of course, we didn't realize this until I tried to teleport us out of there and we landed in the middle of who knows where frozen hell Siberia.
While Tri tried to get his tracking back online so we could make our way towards Italy, we found that I had put us smack dab in the middle of werewolf territory. And I don't mean the nice, friendly shape-shifters of Forks. I mean actualy, mean, deadly, nasty werewolves, the ones that we believed to be all but extinct. I had heard some rumors of them still living in the northernmost reaches of the world, but I just shrugged them off. Boy was I wrong. Luckily there were only a few of them, and young from the looks of them so they didn't know how to properly fight us. Unluckily we were still outnumbered and already pretty damn tired. Somehow, I'm assuming with the help of Alice Cullen's visions, Renata, Santiago and Felix all managed to find us and at a very opportune time. I have never been so glad to see my siblings in all my existence. Ren managed to shield Tri and myself while San and Felix finished off the rest of the werewolves. We then headed back to the airport as no one trusted my ability to teleport and I was stuck on an airplane yet again, but this time with Ren refusing to stop holding me like a child the entire way. The only break I got from her was the few brief moments I spent on my cell phone with my heart, my Mary. Santiago made Ren give me some privacy.
Not soon enough we were descending and I swear I could feel my still heart searching for Mary's. I was so anxious to see her, I teleported to her side the minute I was out of any mortal's field of vision. It didn't take long before we decided to go to our beach where we spent several blissful hours, except for the times she was fussing over me. Unfortunately I found that using my power to jump long distances is still a bad idea. I aimed correctly (of course I've been going there for centuries) but it hurt. A LOT. Eventually I decided to jump in the water to try and clean up a bit, and when Mary joined me, I couldn't stop her from seeing the new scars, courtesy of both vamp and wolf. She hasn't let go of me since, apparently afraid that I'll fall apart at the seams the minute she does so. Not that I mind, but it does tend to make life to be a bit diffcult. I can tell you right now, I'm not looking forward to telling her the next time I've got to leave.
The upside to all of this is I was home in time to see the China GP and Vettel take a very nice win. Now that it's all done and over with, though, I'm going to watch post-race interviews and possibly have a very nice official "reunion" with my Mary. ;)

Let me give it to ya straight

For whatever reason some people seem to want to know about my lame little history. I dunno why, it's nothin too special. Still I figure 's easier to write it here once instead of telling it over and over and over and over and over again.
Here's the dealio: I was born on September 24, 1771 to French aristocratic parents. Growing up I had it pretty sweet, never really had to lift a finger. For some reason or other my 'rents had problems gettin pregnant again after me, so I was pretty damn spoiled for being both the only child and the boy who would inherit my father's legacy. Plus I was so damned cute. But anyway, so along comes the French Revolution and me and the parentals are thrown into jail just for havin' some money. My dad was executed pretty soon after, that guillotine was a bitch. Mom and me were just left to rot for a while. I wasn't considered important enough to die quickly. Mom died from some disease or other after a year, and I was left alone. So I sat there and waited and waited and waited for them to just hurry up and get it over with. I mean, seriously, starving to death is way worse than having your head sliced off. I think they eventually forgot I was even there. I kinda lost track of time while sitting there, but I figure at this point I'm like 20 or 21. Then this one night comes where I'm so weak from not eating that I actually start hallucinating. I think I see my dad and then my mom and then all of a sudden I see this dude with these freaky red eyes. I was so past the point of caring that I didn't even think he was scary, just kind of interesting and weird. I dreamed that he took me away to this super tight palace but then all of a sudden I'm like on fire or something so I figure the revolutionaries finally decided to kill me. I just decide to take it like a man but the fire won't effing stop, y'know? That's when I woke up to what I am now. I was pretty weirded out to begin with, but Ren and Felix and the rest of the guard took me in and treated me like one of their own, so I felt at home pretty quickly. I never went back and took revenge on my jailers. It's not my style, but also Aro wouldn't have let me interfere with human politics, not to mention that after a while I kind of saw their side of things. They did have a pretty shitty life because of people like me and my folks and in a bizarre sort of messed up way, I'm kinda grateful to 'em. I mean, if I hadn't been in that jail cell, the Volturi wouldn't have found me and I wouldn't be what I am today with this kickass family and super amazing girl. After all this, I did learn one thing: governmental bodies can't stay in power forever. There has to be continuous upheaval and changing of the ruling party or the people will revolt. So even though I'm lovin' being a Volturi for now, I know better than the rest of the guard that it can't last forever, even if we will. Until that happens though, I'm enjoying every minute of my life.
So now that I've got that off my chest, next time someone asks me for my history, I'm just gonna point 'em here. That made my life easier! Catch ya on the flipside peeps!

Formula 1 for Beginners: Part One

It has come to my attention that while there are many seasoned F1 fans on Twitter, there are also many F1 virgins, including my own girlfriend. Renata and myself have decided it's high time to put a stop to F1 ignorance. This is the first in a series (or maybe just one of two, if I get lazy) of blogs getting you newbies acquainted with the magnificence that is Formula 1 racing.
So part one consists of me introducing some of the big players in F1. I'm not gonna put pictures for every driver and every team owner, just the important ones. If you really want to know what these people look like, go google 'em or something. Ren also suggested I just post pictures of the people and save the cars for later. Something about setting the bait first and then snapping the trap. Whatev.

First and foremost, Bernie Ecclestone. a.k.a. "das fuhrer." This is the top dog, the cheese, the head honcho of all of Formula 1. What he says is law. Many of us think it's high time for ol' Bernie to retire, especially with his new "twilight" races that cater to European viewers but cause the races to be much more dangerous for the drivers. But that's more a discussion for parts 4 or 5. Just know, Bernie = cranky old man who no one really likes.




Okay, on to the really important people: the drivers and their team principals (owners). Some are more important than others, for instance Kimi Raikkonen is way more important than Sebastien Bourdais, but again, I'll get to why that is later.

Brawn GP
Team Principal: Ross Brawn - bought out Honda GP and renamed it after himself. Conceited much?
Drivers:
Jenson Button
Nationality: British
Pretty cool guy, but has had a rough start to his F1 career. So far this season he's won both races, so it's looking pretty sweet from his end.




Rubens Barrichello
Nationality: Brazilian
A.K.A. "Hey, isn't that the guy who used to be Michael Schumacher's teammate?" Yes, yes he is. Rubens hasn't done a whole lot to make a name for himself separate from Schumi. He left Ferrari the year before Michael retired and his career has gone downhill from there. It might be on the upswing with how Braun GP's lookin so far, but Ren still says he's more suited to monster truck driving and needs to retire. I don't really care one way or the other.



Toyota
Team Principal: Tadashi Yamashina
Drivers:
Jarno Trulli
Nationality: Italian
Name is often followed by the phrase "needs a haircut." He's pretty much just an average driver. However, Toyota looks to be moving up in the world this year, so we'll have to wait and see what happens. But seriously dude, get a haircut!






Timo Glock
Nationality: German
Timo's only in his 2nd season as an F1 driver, but even in the first two races, he's done okay. I still maintain that had the Malaysian GP not been stopped early, he would have won it. Guess I'll just have to wait for the season to advance to see if I'm right.




BMW Sauber
Team Principal: Mario Theissen
Drivers:
Nick Heidfeld
Nationality: German
Decent driver, nice guy, Ren swears up and down he's Ryan Gosling's twin. Something about a notebook? The notebook? I dunno. All I care about is he can drive, he can look like Quasimodo while doing it.







Robert Kubica
Nationality: Polish
Another decent driver, I like Kubica, but the poor guy can't ever seem to catch a break. I think he could be really competitive in the fight for the championship title if he didn't have such bad luck at times. Hoping to see him go far this year.


Renault
Team Principal:

Flavio Briatore - creepy guy in blue sunglasses. Has a new supermodel, barely legal wife just about every year.









Drivers:
Fernando Alonso
Nationality: Spanish
Went from Renault to McLaren back to Renault. Sworn enemy of Lewis Hamilton. In 2005 won the championship and was then the youngest driver ever to do so. Won again in 2006.







Nelsinho (Nelson) Piquet Jr.
Nationality: Brazilian
Son of the great Nelson Piquet, but he fails to live up to daddy's standards. There was a lot of talk of booting him from the team if he didn't step up at the end of last season. Somehow he's still around.



AT&T Williams
Team Principal: Frank Williams - been around forever, hope he stays. A really awesome guy.
Drivers:
Nico Rosberg
Nationality: German
Son of Keke Rosberg, is actually a pretty decent driver, if only his engine didn't blow up every other race. Also seems to be a magnet for other drivers and is always getting run into. Pretty damn good lookin, too.







Kazuki (Kaz) Nakajima
Nationality: Japanese
Son of former F1 racer Satoru Nakajima, hasn't really done too much to shine, although he is definitely not the worst driver on the track. Also has had a lot of car trouble in the past.



Toro Rosso (not to be confused with Red Bull, see below) A.K.A. The team of the Sebastiens
Team Principal: Franz Tost
Drivers:
Sebastien Bourdais
Nationality: French
Only his second season in, but he and his teammate have already taken the "lower class" of the Red Bull teams and made it better than the original. Not much more to say.







Sebastien Buemi
Nationality: Swiss
Brand new to F1 this year, but already 9th in the championship standings.









Red Bull
Team Principal: Christian Horner
Drivers:
Mark Webber
Nationality: Australian
Been around since 2002, but pretty consistently average. Still, as the only Aussie driver he has a pretty solid fanbase. Been dubbed the unluckiest driver ever. He is also the chairman of the Grand Prix Drivers' Association.






Sebastian Vettel
Nationality: German
Back in 2007 he became the sports youngest points scorer. In 2008 he became the youngest driver to win a GP. Don't be fooled, he looks 14, but he's really 22.







McLaren-Mercedes
Team Principal: Martin Whitmarsh - uber strict guy. He even tells his drivers what kind of haircut they must have.
Drivers:
Lewis Hamilton
Nationality: British
Ah, the Golden Boy who can do no wrong. The perfect one. Oh great Lewis, we are not worthy to gaze upon thy visage! But seriously, this kid has been put on a pedestal since day one. Granted, he WAS the youngest driver to win a championship and the first black driver to do so. But still. Also, get to know his father Anthony as every race the commentary is Lewis Hamilton's life story.



Heikki Kovalainen
Nationality: Finnish
Good driver, but often overshadowed by better teammates, including Hammy. It's a shame such a nice guy got put on such an awful, underhanded, lying, cheating team.




Force India
Team Principal: Vijay Mallya
Drivers:
Adrian Sutil
Nationality: German
Yep. That's him.








Giancarlo Fisichella
Nationality: Italian
Again, that's him. Plays soccer occasionally, too, for charity events.









Ferrari - The Golden Team
Team Principal: Stefano Domenicali
Drivers:
Felipe Massa
Nationality: Brazilian
The baby-faced assassin. My personal favorite driver. He should've won the championship in '08 but Hammy took it out from under him in the points, even though Massa won more GPs. Here's hoping for a better season.


Kimi Raikonnen
Nationality: Finnish
Excellent driver with a reputation as a drunkard and a partier. Also comes off as a bit stuck-up but he's really just soft-spoken. Won the championship in 2007 after a long hard battle against Fernando Alonso and Lewis Hamilton. He deserved it.





That finishes up round one. Now that you know the main players, the more technical stuff will come next. I'll also be saving my favorite tweets from our GP Twitter sessions and using those as post-race commentary. Peace out peeps!

What up world?

So for Easter Mary got me a journal. I think she's hinting that I spend too much time taking my anger out on Soul Caliber and maybe I should do something more productive. Whatev. So guess what world? You get to read what I think. That's scary. I'll try not to freak you out too much. This is gonna be short and sweet because I'm pretty beat after double guard duty this weekend, not to mention stopping Ren and Felix from killing each other. And I've got a pretty girl who just challenged me to a video game duel. God I love her. Stay frosty.